It went by so fast:

I dreamed of a painting. A dark background, with light only on a striking woman, looking down in such pain, she is feeling this:

Standing there, my red gown flowing down to the floor.
The shards of my broken heart all around my feet.
I know if I take a step it will slice quick and I will bleed.
I try not to move,
I hesitate more… Time passes I don’t know how much time
I begin to realize I’m being very, very still and quiet. I am afraid.
I begin to realize that I am hiding here.
I come to awareness like coming out of a fog for just a moment or two and the fog comes back.
The next time I am aware I realize, I may have been here near to a life time.
Where is this? I cannot see. Why can I not see?
My eyes are closed tight.
My arms wrapped in front of me to protect my breasts, my heart, but no, they didn’t, did they?
It went by so fast.
I can still hear the explosion in my ears.
Not feeling but fleeing down inside myself.
The shattering went into my head and resounded.

Now I stand here.
What can make this moment last.
This moment where I know where I am?
Where I know what is around me?
All is quiet now- I think, yes, I know now that I am breathing.
I remember the pain, I heard the shot whirring in the air, I heard it all like a million crystals exploding my heart.
Yes, I am breathing still…so How am I here?
How is there a way to survive and more than survive, breathe easier?
I open my eyes and glance around me.
I hear my heart beating in my chest, afraid and yet sure and steady none the less. It is a reassurance to hear my own heart, a reassurance I haven’t had in ages.
I see the razor sharp barbs on the floor.
How long? I can take a step between 2 pieces there only if I keep my eyes open. Not an easy task, forcing yourself to stare at them, but I choose to look.
So what happened? I am ok.
I am now, finally wanting to move away form the scene of this great tragedy.
What was it that broke? Was it something that protected my heart or restricted it?
I may never know.
What I know is that this hiding place is not for me any more.
Gently, looking down, I take a step, then another, I walk away from the pieces of my old self.
Step on into this new place.