Watch the fear in your world.
Today I choose to watch it instead of eat it.
I used to take a dose every morning, swallow it, think for just a second, "Maybe this isn't the best thing to do", then swallow some more.

I can see it out there on the bridge. I can see people afraid to look at each other. I can see people skirt the edge, very close to the rickety posts just to not touch anyone else. I know they listen to the new several times a day. This is one of the ways to eat your daily dose. It's good to be informed. In most relationships, I listen with my heart first and then my head. When it comes to the news I find it useful to listen with my head not my heart. I have to remember that news anchors are actors usually, not journalists. They are hired more for their teeth than their objectivity.
Distance is key in my fear fight.

the face of fear

If fear is an insidious thread woven through our lives, well,I guess I wonder what else is in that fabric. Sure, there's some fear, a little tiny bit of terror, some narcissism etc. There's also a good bit of love, esteem, gratitude, more honesty than I thought there would be. All in all my fabric is holding up pretty well. I spend a bit of time working on this. Just never describedit before.

03/12/10
I wish it had been different.
I wish I had done what I always do, and I had talked to you till you were bored with me.
I screwed up and hurt you and never meant to belittle.
I guess I can’t even try anymore, I wanted to do that to, but I screwed that up also.
I keep hearing you in my head. I keep seeing that you don’t tell me that you want me, but you might someday want someone and I’m your best choice right now. (For what?, for waiting?)
You might be afraid of being alone someday, but you are much more afraid of not being alone today.
I can’t give my heart to your trial.
I wish I could. I love you.

I keep throwing away from me all the things I used to think I needed.
While I'm clear that I don't need them, this room is getting rather empty.
Participating is the key, I can't see it all, but it's there some how.
So I am participating. Slogging is more like it.